Tuesday, November 27, 2012

You Have so Much More...

I remember growing up. I always wanted to be a part of the popular crowd. You would think that going to a small school there wouldn't be such a thing, but believe me...there was! It felt so cruel to be left out, yet it gave me a good group of friends. But it left me not feeling pretty enough to be friends with everyone. What was wrong with us?

I had been thinking about those days, especially in middle school when it was the worst and then I saw a video. To save you from the agony I felt watching it I won't post it. It is however sung by a very popular female artist. She is known for standing up for women and our lack of a need for men. I have often had a problem with her for the fact that I feel she is a terrible example of how to dress appropriately for young girls. This music video was all about how women rule the world. How is it that we rule the world? The video pretty much summed it up...we rule the world with our sexuality. We seduce men with our looks. Our bodies. Our sexy outfits. We tease them, trick them and use our persuasion to get men to do anything for us.

STOP! I want you moms and daughters to hear this! You have so much more to offer this world than just being a body and a beautiful face. You have minds with fascinating questions. Questions bring about answers. They bring about change. Stop believing the lie that all you have to offer is your looks or your body. Stop believing that asking and answering questions makes you less attractive. Being a strong woman is less about showing off your body and more about showing off your opinions.

Keeping myself occupied with my looks feed into my eating disorder. Letting the size zero culture creep in slowly is only a disaster waiting to happen. Keep in mind that it can all start slowly. Wanting to have all the in styles. Listening to provocative music. Watching movies where girls are only important for their looks and put down for their thoughts. Then you start wanting to be like that. You want the look of them. The feel of them...then you've lost yourself.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to stay current on the styles and music. But is it you? Does it speak to who you are? If someone looked at you would they see you or a body that is only a part of you? I've come a long way in my transformation of being myself. I've dealt with trying to fit into a box of how I should look and act. I've struggled with people pleasing. I want you to know that the only box you will fit in is the box that is torn up. Be yourself. Be how God made you to be.


Tuesday, November 20, 2012

I've Lost My Mind...

It's as if I have lost my mind. I want to write. I want to give you all great information. I have so many things to write about, but I can't seem to get them written. I am preoccupied with other things. My daughter's school. Homework for The Emotionalist. Play times for the youngers. My surgery.

Honestly it's the stress of the surgery that has be down for the count. I wish it wasn't so, but it is. All the other things would be in my life at anytime, and I am always able to function with those. So to soothe my mine I think of the verse that says "Perfect love cast out all fear." Perfect. Love. Those two words couldn't go together better. Those two words bring peace into my soul. Soothe my racing heart.

Love has been something that I have wanted all my life. Yes I have many people who love me. But no ones love is perfect. I thought that I could find that perfect love in people. But every time people would let me down, my hopes of finding perfect love dwindled more and more. I always knew who God was. He had always been apart of my life, but I struggled with letting Him love me.

I ignored that constant tapping at my soul. It was Him. He wanted me, but I struggled with having a divided heart. I would get the Earthly pleasure. I would get temporary satisfaction. It would then go away and I would be in devastation. In my pain He was there with that little tap tap tapping. Many things blocked it out, but mainly it was my determination to find that perfect love in man.

The day my future husband came up to me in chapel at college was a big moment in my life. I didn't really know him that well. He was the bald guy who worked in The Oasis, and made some pretty good smoothies. He asked me a simple question "What do you want in life?" Trying to figure out why he came up to me I wasn't really sure how to respond, but the first thing that came out was the truth, "I want to be truly happy." His response was fast and true "Stop putting your trust in guys. Look to God." Then he just walked away. My face was red. Hot. I started to get angry. Then I put my head back down and started to pray. I had no idea what I was praying. I just prayed.

Here is the truth. He was right. My husband is a smart man. I often wondered if he said that to me because really he wanted me to like him. Now I honestly believe God was speaking through him. Weeks after that my heart was stirred. I knew that I needed to find that perfect love in God. It was a hard journey, but one I am glad I finally found. Pealing away my people pleasing and my want of gratification was not easy. Perfect love cast out fear. Perfect love that can only be found in God. Perfect. Love. They go together so well.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Cozy Warm Coffee

I sit with a cup of cozy warm coffee. Well it's really hot, but warm sounds more inviting and pleasant. My youngest sits on my lap and we are cuddled up in a tattered quilt that I could never bear to part with. Even though the years have been hard on it this quilt has been faithful to keep us cozy and warm.

These are moments I treasure with The Baby. Being the youngest she doesn't always get the attention that she wants, but today is different. The Inquisitor is busy with school upstairs and the others are off to classrooms. So here we are. We sit. We cuddle. I type. She nibbles on an apple.

I think about my last week. How it started out crazy, but ended so smoothly. How I didn't even realize that my week was almost over and I hadn't even sat down to read any of my books. Mostly I think about how most of my days didn't start off with the right thing. I hadn't been starting my day with prayer or surrendering my struggles to God.

I blamed it on the time change. I actually blame the time change for a lot. When I don't get my coffee right away. When I forget to do the dishes. When the kids wake up WAY too early! But honestly my lack of surrendering all comes down to me...

It starts with one day. You forget. So then anger gets the best of you. But all the while you justify your anger. It's ok to be angry. It's ok to feel this hot boiling rage inside of you. I mean when you really think about it what they have done really does make it right...doesn't it?

I got to Friday and realized what was going on. How do I stop it? How do I remind myself to keep this forgiveness going? I looked back and what I had written about forgiveness...that was a good reminder. I read about what God had done for me to give me forgiveness. Saturday and Sunday I stood in church and raised my hands in my freedom remembering that my attitude effects a lot of people. Shows a lot of people who I am and what I do. But the people I am most concerned about and are effected most by my attitude are these 5 little ones who take turns sitting on my lap.

Today after a hard Monday morning this writing is a good reminder to slow down. Live in forgiveness. Live life at a slower pace.