Thursday, June 27, 2013


She was fearless once. Then something crushed her spirit. It happened in a split second. The next day everyone noticed something different about her. Fear became what she was. Nothing could be done without fearing what the consequences might be. Fear. It's all she knew now. And so her trail down a slippery slope began.

This is a similar story for many of us. Once fearless...then fear grips the very being of who we are. It's as if we don't know how to separate fear and us. So it just becomes us. How this fear takes hold of us is different for everyone. Perhaps it's the death of someone close to us. A realization that life here is temporary. Sexual abuse by someone you trusted. Causing you to lose all trust and only fear those in authority. Maybe it was even just a final breaking point after years of putting up with other's hurtful words. Wondering if maybe they are right and you should just stop fighting them.

Whatever it is your fearless spirit went out the window. You spent days in the dark wondering if anyone would notice. But every so often you could feel your strong fearless spirit trying to reach out. That little kid in you wanting to ride the bike with no hands.

I can remember a specific time I felt like this. I was a teen at camp and I so wanted to raise my hands and say "Hey look mom! No hands!" The speaker was sharing about having no fear when we live our lives for Christ. I so wanted to believe him...and it would take years for it to really sink it. But I held the verse close to my heart the whole time.
2 Timothy 1:7 " For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control."

I thought of that day while I was watching my daughter. She's fearless for sure. Last year she fell in love with the whole idea of BMX. I remember thinking that it was a phase that she really wouldn't get into it. She always seemed to be too afraid. Yet her fearless spirit took over at some point. It was her desire to do something overcame her fear. "Hey guys! Check this out!" It started out as just one hand off the bars. Then a foot off the pedal. Then it seemed the next time I looked over she was standing on her bike!


The site of her standing up there didn't bring fear into my heart. That might have been the more normal mother thing to do. brought up such emotion of wanting to be more fearless. It brought back memories of when all I had was fear. It brought back that aching inside of wanting to let go and say "Look mom! No hands!" So instead of encouraging her to sit down...I encourage her to stand. And scream to the world....

"Check THIS out!"

Tuesday, June 25, 2013


I bought a pack of bubble gum thinking it would be a fun treat for my daughters. Little did I know when I popped a piece in my mouth I would feel like a little girl again. I had forgotten how fun it was to attempt to blow a bubble as big as your face and wonder if when it popped if it would get in your hair. I had forgotten all the good memories that I associated with bubble gum. Summer days, swimming pools and softball games.

So as we enter into summer I thought what a better way to start off my summer blogging than with our first bubble blowing lesson. I took my two oldest outside and we began our lesson....

They worked so hard, but no bubbles came. This is the frustrating life as a little kid. Everything, even as little as blowing a bubble, is hard work. Something you have to sit and practice. My girls did their best, but only the tiniest bubbles were blown. That didn't stop of their goals for the summer is to blow the biggest bubble ever seen!

As a child I had determination to be just like my brothers. I wanted to do everything they did. This turned me into a bit of a tomboy. I climbed trees, played in mud, threw footballs, searched for earth worms...Keeping up wasn't a problem for me. Perhaps that was one of my down falls. It shouldn't have been all about keeping up and yet it was. I see it in my girls lives. One of them will learn how to do something and another one will automatically want to keep up. No matter how I try to convince them it's not about being able to do everything. That everyone is good at somethings while others are not. It doesn't seem to change. Keeping up seems to be ingrained in us.

Can you blame us? Keeping up with the Jones to keeping up with the Kardashians. Society continues to tell us that keeping up is normal. Look what she can do! We better keep up...we have to be better. Is it any wonder that so many young girls and women struggle with their weight and self image? I wonder how much things would change if we were willing to stand up and lay down our need to keep up and instead fulfill our need for just being who we are...and being YOU is enough.

So as we continue to practice our bubble blowing we will also keep in mind that it's not a race. This will help us slow down and do things right. This will enable us to be us. Maybe we weren't made to blow bubbles and that's O.K. It's about finding what we were made to do.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Broken and Rebuilt

I have been trying for a few days to put into words the feelings I feel right now. I have come to realize there are just no words for these deep feelings. They are just what they are. Right now they are breaking down and rebuilding my worldview. Something that has often been remolded into something new with each new experience I have been given. This time my world was rocked by many things, but today sharing the thought of our first world problems.

I have often had the thought that some of the things we tend to worry about are not a problem in third world countries. It's when a nation starts the journey on becoming a developed nation that these first world problems become an issue. We have all maybe seen the teens video rapping about these problems ranging from the hot water running out in the shower after a half his pillow being to soft. Often having money to put food on the table is what's on their minds in other corners of the world.

So naturally my thoughts went to this...How often do these girls think about not eating to punish themselves? Do they ever? After hearing a few hungry kids ask for food the thought occurred to me...If I had been born in a 3rd world country would an eating disorder have been a problem? Perhaps that ache in my stomach would not have become a comfort or excitement, but would have been a reminder that we couldn't afford the evening meal. I have come to find this disease as selfish. It's not all that simple, but in this moment it is. I wonder how to gently bring this same realization to others.

How do I make them see the fat bellies of malnourishment? The sad faces of mothers who would give anything to feed their child one meal a day? The skin and bones of one who isn't starving for their own selfish purpose? I sound harsh. Maybe I am. But today this is how I put my feelings into words. Today my hand go up in the air...not knowing how to help those in the developed world or those in the developing world.


Wednesday, June 5, 2013


My husband and I are leaving on a trip. 1 week in the Dominican Republic serving those who need us. It's our small little way of celebrating 10 years of marriage. Our anniversary isn't until December, but our church is taking this trip now so now is when we celebrate. we will most likely celebrate twice, but 10 years of marriage deserves 2 celebrations! Don't ya think?

I haven't had my normal time to write my blogs this week. I have been packing. Picking up my in-laws. And packing some more. YIKES! I don't feel ready at all, but here we go! I will not have much access to internet next week while we are there. So you will have to wait a few weeks until you hear what's on my heart! Please don't think I have stopped caring or stopped writing. I just need all my focus on this...otherwise I  might go crazy.